Feeling Forgotten by God

foto courtesy of (http://www.paulkern.me/god-will-never-forget-you/)

I am emotionally going through a difficult circumstances right now, where I feel each breath God appears to be far away which I prayed He is so silent. Instead of feeling loved and taken cared of, loneliness and abandonment takes over..this is what I feel right now.
Has he rejected me? Has His unfailing love gone forever? 

                                                    or

Does God finally closed His door of mercy upon me?

or

 I am almost at the end of the rope now, and the pleads of seeking deliverance, forgiveness and saving are the primary petitions that I am now begging to God. While seeking solace to my Father, I stumbled upon on an online article that somehow brought me back to normal thinking. With that, the sense of sharing it has pushed me to post them here so that it would remind me always that would never abandon me.

Here it is: 

"Here are all sorts of times in the Scriptures when God reminds us to remember.  We tend to be a short-sighted and forgetful bunch, and so since the beginning of time God has established pillars in time and traditions to help us to not forget.  He asks us to remember the Sabbath day (Exodus 20:8), He instructed the Israelites on crossing over the Jordan to set up pillars of stone to remember (Joshua 4).  God remembers His covenant with us forever (Psalm 105:8) and the communion service is a remembrance service. (1 Cor. 11:24-25)

We have imperfect memories and so God holds the hand of each new generation, helping us to never forget.  Why does He want us to remember?

First, to take our eyes off of ourselves and place them on Him. It is easy to get bogged down in the problems of today, and to only see the unresolved task right in front of us. It might be something relatively small that frustrates us in a particular moment:  we get locked out of the house, or we're past the deadline on a project at work, or our flight is delayed, or we realize we forgot to buy milk for the cereal. Again.

So often we forget the big picture and how He blesses us.  How He helped us find the house—a home.  We forget how He is going to touch others through the project we’re struggling to complete, and how it can change lives for Eternity. How often when we face a delayed flight do we remember the pure awesomeness of flight?  How we can travel from Orlando to Denver in under 3 hours—while watching the news or surfing the web!  And when we forget to buy the milk, how often do we, as we reach for one of 3 other breakfast options, remember how others have nothing to reach for? 

Secondly, when we remember, we set up pillars in a lost world. Just imagine a dozen or so years after Joshua and his men set up the stone memorials.  As other men, women and children walk past this memorial it is a reminder of God’s faithfulness, goodness and His promises to each generation.

Our own personal experiences are our own pillars. No one can argue our own conversion story—how He changed our hearts, our priorities, our perspective on everything.  When we remember how He has worked in our own hearts, and share that with others, we allow Him to continue that work.  We memorialize our experience.

Thirdly, by looking backwards, we can move forward.  Winston Churchill said “The farther backward you can look, the farther forward you are likely to see.”

When we remember His working in our lives, we are better equipped for the future.  By remembering His answers to prayer, our faith grows. When we remember, our actions shift, and our hope can blossom. 

Humans need to be reminded to remember.  But God has a perfect memory.  Yet, there are things that in His mercy He chooses to forget. There is a verse—it is one of a long list—where I understand the words, but I really cannot grasp the concept. 

“I, I am he who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and I will not remember your sins.” – Isaiah 43:25 ESV

Why does God chooses to forget the very things that without Christ would separate us from Him? I cannot get my head around it.  But I thank Him for it.

By remembering we put our eyes back on Him. We set up pillars in a dark world. By remembering we can move forward into a future with Him. I praise God that though His memory is perfect, and ours is flawed—He chooses to forget."

Text courtesy of  Jean Boonstra

Racism: Ugly Form of Collectivism

I have flipped through on this story quite long ago and thought of re-posting this article when I saw it again in my FB timeline. My heart is bleeding while construing the entire story again and again. This short chronicle, brought me to mind about my experienced in Poland. It was a bit painful when people from not your own kind kept on staring at you head over heels and staying stand-offish because I'm brown.
The diminutive racial discrimination I went through in Poland was tolerable & not really that bad comparing to this (story). That I came to understand that Poland isn't much exposed to foreign with colored skin so as the shrilling historical background they had led them to behave such. Polish people aren't that so friendly and approachable, yet, I managed to survive ignoring those who refused to sit next to me (while on train).
However, that made me to apply the savoir-faire and do as the Polish do. Racial discrimination is still a big issue to solve in USA and other western countries in terms of race and skin color. We likely even gone through such  in our own kind everyday.
Herewith is the true story of Dorothy Rose.



Reblogging:

This Racism Is Disgustingly Ugly. But She Obliterated It Without Batting An Eye.  http://www.viralnova.com/ugly-racism/

On the morning of September 4th, 1957, Dorothy Counts walked into an all-white high school for the very first time. She was African American. When she arrived, the only thing greeting her was evil and hatred, but she showed incredible courage in the face of adversity.

Dorothy was only 15 years-old when she bravely walked into a previously all-white high school.

Her arrival was greeted by crude signs, jeering and hatred.

                           Crowds of young boys spat at her and threw trash.

          It’s unbelievable that racism so ugly and hatred so fierce came from children.

                              All Dorothy wanted to do was attend high school.

The images that were taken that day made it to newspapers around the world.

 Dorothy Rose now, an advocate against racism in USA.

 Dorothy didn’t let the cruelty of others stand in her way. She never stooped to their level, remaining calm and collected no matter what was thrown her way. She teaches all of us – regardless of skin color – that it’s how we handle the evil of the world that truly matters.

DRAMATIC SIDE OF LIFE

Sometimes life is merciless and unjust.Do you agree? Life is unfair that sometimes its cheating us all the way out. When problems in the world can offer have stumbled over us we cried out and ask,is this what we call "Life is Beautiful" when you suffer (from) pain and inadequacy?
I may sound a melodramatist but what am I saying is, the reality that you'll see around you can speak. Not only the environment that would bring attestation on that,even ourselves can speak to that.
It's unreasonable to view the four sides of life without spotting any holes of adversaries,isn't it?
Nonetheless,I have been an emotive person since the door of reality and events comes with the totality of veracity.
Describing my emotions right now is in the wry of rage and envious,prophesying how obscure my life would be. Have been falling down,dissatisfied and was defeated from my endeavors a hundred times, was a ruthless but an unfair,life.
Questioning the proportions of life is beyond what you can fully understand the true essence of life a man can have.
Looking my classmates and friends back in high school,how successfully they are abroad and happily enjoying the lives they have chosen. What about me? what I'm gonna do? Would I still have the happiness and success in life in the latter part or none at all?

SHATTERED HOPE

Faith beyond faith healing....my hopes are almost gone. I always trudge the road to a place I called dreams, and now reality awaken me to wonder what I did to deserve such a plight. "What kind of God would let me down like this?" Thats the question I'm asking the Lord right now.

A recent event that I was anticipating to come turned to be a tragic one resulting to a bleeding of my heart profusely.

You see the problems I have had and is still a problem up to now isn't a lack of faith but a vision and hopes that I wanted to have not just for my sake but for Him and for my family as well,unselfishly.

Contrary wise, it's opposite to what I think of which is so hard to accept by heart.Last September of this year,I took the LET board exam believing that I would pass the exam because of the encouragement of my fellow educators to try.

It took a while before I got pursuaded to give it a try til the examination day arrived with tension and nervous.

When the result had published both the website of PRC and at the Manila Bulletin newspaper,everybody took a peep checking the names of thier friends,loved ones,etc. Refusing as I may call it, was the feeling clouded my heart as my body shivering for the result.

Sad to say,I flunked at the board exam included my colleagues and consider friends.It was painful as if it was a fist in my stomach.

No tears had streamed down nor to water my eyes but a questions of why? I knew that I had some shortcomings and was unprepared to take the exam but my expectations was a bit 60% since I prayed it hard to the Lord to consider it.

Nonetheless,the result was already there. I never had a preparations nor enough time to review because of the demand of my job as tutor.

Not sure by now if I would take the exam again because of the fear dwellings in my heart...chances would come but the assurance of taking the risk is a big No right now. I had enough and for the second chance is too much to bear.

LISTENING IN THE STILLNESS

Was there a point in your life when you felt so tired and were ready to give up on life? Or have you felt that you were a victim of frustration and fate seems to be unkind?
Have you felt at times in your life that you were just going around in the cycles ,nowhere to go?
In life's journey, we sometimes find ourselves in the middle of despair and lost in a barren wilderness of frustrations.Just last month,fears and anxiety had made me restless and caused my insomnia to attack me every night up to now.
As I look the fast changes of this world,worrying for the future brought so much trouble in mind as if tomorrow is the end of the world.Searching for a better future or stable job is the impossibility of the possible.
I always dreaming of getting out the country just to try my luck...since the grass is more greener on the other side.
My job doesn't give me satisfaction financially especially that I am getting on in years.As I always begging the good Lord to open the door of opportunities abroad,He answered my humble request unknowing that it wasn't really the perfect answer given by God but a sort of trials to test my patience.
A petition letter from USA had just arrived unexpectedly for a missionary call,but to my excitement everything went in vain because of the financial scarcity I had then.
Doubt questions popped out and asking the Lord so many Why's...
I was disappointed and spiritually drought that apathy started to grow in my heart.For a couple of days of refusing to talk to the Lord,I gave in and offered a peace offering for the Lord.
Just realized that God invites me to stop for a while and be still and silent before Him over my dreams of going to US.Indeed, sometimes God emptied my pockets so He can fill my hearts of love.
Now,I don't let the noise of my dreams drown the voice of God.

BATTLING THE ODDS OF LIFE

Life has been so tight this time,prices of oil,gas,and prime commodities soaring high.Sometimes you unavoidably asked yourself,what life will be like tomorrow;in the future?
I'm losing my hope to the government,but not to my country dear Philippines.Working abroad has always been a dream for me since then,just looking around makes me so discouraged and sad.
With a meager salary,fewer jobs in industry,sets the gap between rich and poor.Worrying about what would be the future holds,the closer I plans to get married..life seems to be tougher.Staying still as Bachelor's makes me to push for a while..how can I plan seriously,if life in this country liken to be a great roller coaster on a moonless night?
As I count the years as months,and counts the months as week, and count the weeks as days,the more life is getting complicated.
There are many possible destinations and routes to each destination.Sometimes we need to be vigilant thus onlookers of what lies ahead.We need to survive the currents,storms and reefs to be dealt with,but we can sail our ship to where we want it to go.
The Filipinos has been battling the odds economically since the coming of Spaniards,down to the present governments.I felt like boarding on a boat sailing on a mighty river,interchange every now and again on a ride along parallel or divergent tracks to the same destination.
Up to now,Filipinos haven't experienced the bed of roses economically...as what Senator Dick Gordon said: "What this country needs is not the change of men,but the change in Men."

AGONIZING THE PAIN OF FRUSTRATIONS

Once again,I failed to update my blog and was in the hiatus for a while.The previous days was filled with rushing errands that forced me to catch the time on its specific target.Amid the painful bite of the summer,I never get tired of rushing here and there grabbing every opportunities that offers a good financial stability.
I have no other tenacious desire but to work abroad that provides me a better future....monetarily.
Yet,luck isn't kind to me this time as if opportunity aloof and keeping in distance.As much as possible,I never passed any moment but search all the possible teaching jobs abroad and some were responding back and some aren't and some just kept ignoring me.
I was very down and frustrated just this previous weeks...thinking about the rejections I got from abroad.....well,I always praying that somehow I would be accepted and share the talents and education that I've learned from school.

DO GOOD ANYWAY

DO GOOD ANYWAY
People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered
Love then anyway.

If you do good,people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives
Do good anyway.

If you are successful you will win false friends and true enemies
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow
Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable
Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest people with the biggest ideas can be shut down by the smallest people with the smallest minds
Think big anyway.

People favour underdogs but follow only top dogs
Fight for some underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight
Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you help them
Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you've got and you'll get kicked in the teeth
Give the world you've got anyway.
(author unknown)

I was touched and moved by this sayings or poem or whatever you may call this...I had read this kind of writing into a different version but this one really caught me unmoved.
Doing good to the world is the best thing that you did to yourself...but when people saw your good deeds they seemed to raise their eyebrows and criticized you instead of complimenting you.
Living in a imperfect world is also living with the imperfect creatures....yes,we aren't perfect but the little effort and good deeds that we contributed seems to be unnoticed and nor appreciated by others!!!!
Are their numb and heartless people in this world? By nature human are created by God with soft-hearted and kind..but when sin covers the world everything changed instantly.
By doing good,is there any measure or gauge just to tell the whole being that I am good? Well, the saying above is a self-explanatory....just ask yourself,ponder, internalized, contemplate.
Can we simply follow and do good to others without expecting anything in return?

THROUGH THE BARRICADES

In this troubled land, desperation keeps us down, it really test your ground.Searching for a good-high-paying-job is really hard to find nowadays in this country.
There were million of jobhunters in this land including myself.Hungry cows will surely go for a greener luxuriant grass to satisfy the hungry abdomen. I thought the moment I finally step out in the big University would be a piece of cake as College graduate.Much to my surprise, the competition is so tough, multitude of starving prey were also in competitive situation.
When I seriously face the world for the 3rd times,unexpected wrong surmise amazed me that my education isn't enough tool to guarantee that a better career which cosiderately a lifetime monetary wise awaits beforehand,contrariwise,its an upsetting conundrum.
Afraid to be idle after graduation, offer from mediocre job was so hard to resist.My happiness had no bounds when I got the job as teacher at a Language Institute with in doubt of the verbal agreement suspiciously.
For a very short of two months working at the Language Institute wasn't a feeling of pleasurable that comes when a need or desire is fulfilled because I was expecting that I could stay a bit longer as I confidently believed since my enjoyment for teaching was sincerely with deep feeling and full spirit inspite of workin' with those insincere claimed SDA Christians or pious to be exact.
My cognition had come to a definite presentiment that its better to work with those non-believers rather to those who profess to be missionaries and SDA Christians,yet,ironically disagreeing what is supposed to be as it is. Christ had said at Matthew 23 verses 3,27 & 33,"FOR THEY DON'T PRACTICE WHAT THEY PREACH;"WOE TO YOU HYPOCRITES YOU ARE LIKE WHITE WASHED TOMBS WHICH LOOK BEAUTIFUL ON THE OUTSIDE BUT FULL OF DEAD MEN'S BONES AND EVERYTHING UNCLEAN;"YOU SNAKES! YOU BROOD OF VIPERS." what a blant yet painful statement, isn't it?
Sometimes human nature prone to criticize what is exactly visible to the eyes. I can't pictorially imagine having an immediate unprincipled superior who has a poor leadership and cannot fully express her normal self in refine English but a jibberish constipated English.A 3rd time flunkers ugly coyote,educated in the medical field yet, professionally uncultured busybody.Moreover, a questionably unvarnished to teach.
Handful subordinates whom I called a yesman hyena and nothing but a coward hopeless slavish followers,short-necked individuals or let say Sip-sip in Tagalog serves devil advocates aggravating the circumstances with the desire they won't be evicted.
Without realizing that they were on the abysmal ignorance, clouded the silly rules of this bumptious outsider.Claimant as religious leader but a leech-sucking of the sophisticating intelligentsia of this poor country.This outsider hails from out of nowhere seemingly enjoying of ejecting tenants unfairly.
May God forgive me for bringing this out in the open allowing everybody to read online.
When you allow emotions to voice out freely,word of adjective came out easily as likely to describe these earthly things,DESPICABLE- so to speak.
I just write to explain the bad feelings I have supressed right now and I know that the tone of my writing affects the moods of the readers.Nevertheless,'am I hitting the wall so hard enough for them to collapse? well, its just a statement or act of freeing myself from moral pains.
Honest to goodness,I praised God - He allowed things to happen which I realized somehow that faraway I already made history.
Now, I already crossed the line and dance upon the rain that there is always a way to escape from strife.
If there is something to loose, there's everything to go....the final shout is over...thanks to this internet thing..emotions that can't be spoken out verbally,there is an option to choose but scribbling them down..and this is it.

FOR THE RECORD

Some friends and close friends..were asking me what is Blog? why,and what did I write on my blog.
Technologically speaking,there are still people who are'nt consciously acquianted with this blog thing in the internet. They are only just familiar with Friendster,MySpace and Multiply but not on Blog.
Well, I told them verbally the reasons, here are my reasons....
This online diary contains the activities of myself.It does not tell about the mere sadness thing that I have been into everyday, but a paraphrase of events that I usually do.
I evaded to write down the sadness,but,since this is an online diary open for public viewing and reading,yet,I finally decided to include them. Recording the happenings is very essential because it would help me to pack my things as I continue my traveling this sod.
Warnings was the first caution that I told them....I don't Grammar-check, nor Spelling-Check unless time would permit me to edit the whole thing.
The journey may seems not smooth,though, the sailings bombarded with collosal storms, the trails or the footstep that I left is only a memories of the past which molded the other half of me.
It may or this may not declares the factual of my persona, the events that has been scribbled each moment will remain a records at this point of time forever.
Odds as others may describe it, to a man at my age records his life to a piece of paper or in the internet,but still I sometimes think it's horrible that you find you can never really confide in people,even in those who are near to you but to post them online.
Time's continue to run,days' changed as human too speedily.My journal online is the thoughts and expressions the better half of me.Living under extraordinary conditions,envelope with hopes and dreams, and for this reason my diary tells or would tell me much about the yesterdays & yesteryears of my life.
It rekindles me the days that I have missed or the chances that I have failed to devulge.
And for this reason too,I felt how close I am to all.This is also an appropriate monument to my fine spirit amidst of the usual failings that I have momentarily do.
Ang labo ng entry ko this time anoh??? well,I can't really write nor has the gift but I just take my chances lang kung ma develop ba.

THROUGH THE BARRICADES

In this troubled land, desperation keeps us down, it really test your ground. Searching for a good-high-paying-job is really hard to find nowadays in this country.
There were million of jobhunters in this land including myself. Hungry cows will surely go for a greener luxuriant grass to satisfy the hungry abdomen. I thought the moment I finally step out in the big University would be a piece of cake as College graduate. Much to my surprise, the competition is so tough, multitude of starving prey were also in competitive situation.
When I seriously face the world for the 3rd times, unexpected wrong surmise amazed me that my education isn't enough tool to guarantee that a better career which cosiderately a lifetime monetary wise awaits beforehand, contrariwise, its an upsetting conundrum.
Afraid to be idle after graduation, offer from mediocre job was so hard to resist. My happiness had no bounds when I got the job as teacher at a Language Institute with in doubt of the verbal agreement suspiciously.
For a very short of two months working at the Language Institute wasn't a feeling of pleasurable that comes when a need or desire is fulfilled because I was expecting that I could stay a bit longer as I confidently believed since my enjoyment for teaching was sincerely with deep feeling and full spirit inspite of workin' with those insincere claimed SDA Christians or pious to be exact.
My cognition had come to a definite presentiment that its better to work with those non-believers rather to those who profess to be missionaries and SDA Christians,yet,ironically disagreeing what is supposed to be as it is. Christ had said at Matthew 23 verses 3,27 & 33,"FOR THEY DON'T PRACTICE WHAT THEY PREACH;"WOE TO YOU HYPOCRITES YOU ARE LIKE WHITE WASHED TOMBS WHICH LOOK BEAUTIFUL ON THE OUTSIDE BUT FULL OF DEAD MEN'S BONES AND EVERYTHING UNCLEAN;"YOU SNAKES! YOU BROOD OF VIPERS." what a blant yet painful statement, isn't it?
Sometimes human nature prone to criticize what is exactly visible to the eyes. I can't pictorially imagine having an immediate unprincipled superior who has a poor leadership and cannot fully express her normal self in refine English but a jibberish constipated English.A 3rd time flunkers ugly coyote,educated in the medical field yet, professionally uncultured busybody.Moreover, a questionably unvarnished to teach.
Handful subordinates whom I called a yesman hyena and nothing but a coward hopeless slavish followers,short-necked individuals or let say Sip-sip in Tagalog serves devil advocates aggravating the circumstances with the desire they won't be evicted.
Without realizing that they were on the abysmal ignorance, clouded the silly rules of this bumptious outsider.Claimant as religious leader but a leech-sucking of the sophisticating intelligentsia of this poor country.This outsider hails from out of nowhere seemingly enjoying of ejecting tenants unfairly.
May God forgive me for bringing this out in the open allowing everybody to read online.
When you allow emotions to voice out freely,word of adjective came out easily as likely to describe these earthly things,DESPICABLE- so to speak.
I just write to explain the bad feelings I have supressed right now and I know that the tone of my writing affects the moods of the readers.Nevertheless,'am I hitting the wall so hard enough for them to collapse? well, its just a statement or act of freeing myself from moral pains.
Honest to goodness,I praised God - He allowed things to happen which I realized somehow that faraway I already made history.
Now, I already crossed the line and dance upon the rain that there is always a way to escape from strife.
If there is something to loose, there's everything to go....the final shout is over...thanks to this internet thing..emotions that can't be spoken out verbally,there is an option to choose but scribbling them down..and this is it.