Faith beyond faith healing....my hopes are almost gone. I always trudge the road to a place I called dreams, and now reality awaken me to wonder what I did to deserve such a plight. "What kind of God would let me down like this?" Thats the question I'm asking the Lord right now.
A recent event that I was anticipating to come turned to be a tragic one resulting to a bleeding of my heart profusely.
You see the problems I have had and is still a problem up to now isn't a lack of faith but a vision and hopes that I wanted to have not just for my sake but for Him and for my family as well,unselfishly.
Contrary wise, it's opposite to what I think of which is so hard to accept by heart.Last September of this year,I took the LET board exam believing that I would pass the exam because of the encouragement of my fellow educators to try.
It took a while before I got pursuaded to give it a try til the examination day arrived with tension and nervous.
When the result had published both the website of PRC and at the Manila Bulletin newspaper,everybody took a peep checking the names of thier friends,loved ones,etc. Refusing as I may call it, was the feeling clouded my heart as my body shivering for the result.
Sad to say,I flunked at the board exam included my colleagues and consider friends.It was painful as if it was a fist in my stomach.
No tears had streamed down nor to water my eyes but a questions of why? I knew that I had some shortcomings and was unprepared to take the exam but my expectations was a bit 60% since I prayed it hard to the Lord to consider it.
Nonetheless,the result was already there. I never had a preparations nor enough time to review because of the demand of my job as tutor.
Not sure by now if I would take the exam again because of the fear dwellings in my heart...chances would come but the assurance of taking the risk is a big No right now. I had enough and for the second chance is too much to bear.
2 comments:
it seems that you are carrying such heavy load in your back, eric. however, we are likened into gold; that in order for the gold to turn into its majestic purity, it has to pass thru some stages: breaking, melting, molding...and so on. I know you know this but if it means breaking us, melting us, and molding us into God's likeness, we just have to let go and let God take control of our lives!
Thanks for dropping my site, too!
thanks Rhoen...for the posted comments...I'm just hoping that one day it will weigh down my burden.
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