The Art of Being Happily Single

Reblogging:
                  The Art of Being Happily Single by C. De Lima

photo courtesy of Elitedaily.com

“Uncertainty is the only certainty there is, and knowing how to live with insecurity is the only security.” ~John Allen Paulos

Over the past ten years, I always had a man by my side. I was always in a relationship.

I was in a relationship for eight years before my ex and I got engaged, then broke it off because of the distance—my ex’s reason. Not long after that I got into a two-year relationship with a man who loved, yet cheated on me. It was a messy break up.

So after ten years in relationships, I found myself alone.

I’m 31 and single!

Recently some questions have bounced around in mind: What happened to me during those years? What did I get, gain, achieve in these two relationships? Why am I now alone? What will I do? How do I do things by myself?

Now what? Where to start?

I started to panic, to hyperventilate—until I found this quote:

“Single is not a status. It is a word that describes a person who is strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on others.”

Yes I am scared. I was so used to sharing everything. I was so used to having someone around.

But the reality is I am my own person, and if I can’t enjoy being single, how can I enjoy being with someone else?

So I started reading about being single, and interviewing other happy single people. Surely I wasn’t the only 31-year-old person who felt uncertain about her new singleness. I needed to find proven ways to be happy as a single adult woman.

In my research, I learned some important truths about being single:

1. Being single gives you time to be by yourself, with yourself.

Finally some me time. This is the time to reconnect with myself, a time where I can talk to myself, debating all the questions and answers that are bouncing in my head. 

This is the time of reflection. This is the time of acceptance and letting go, which brings me to the second point…

2. If you don’t let go of the past, you will never appreciate the present.

Yes I have fond memories of my exes, but that was in the past. I know I will always cherish those memories, but I need to stop clinging to them to live for today and plan for tomorrow.

Buddha said every day you are born again—that means new experiences and adventures for today!

3. It’s only after you have lost everything that you are free to find out what you were missing.

During those ten years, I lost love, a pregnancy, and my health. I truly believed I had lost everything. I can’t even start telling you how many tears I shed during those difficult times.

Now that I’m single, I have an opportunity to do all the things I put off while I was putting all my energy into my relationships. I have to believe that I will eventually have the things I lost, but for now I’m taking this time to enjoy myself and complete myself.

4. Change can sometimes be good.

Part of me feels afraid of this quick change. Adaptation takes time, yet I’m already thinking of all the possibilities—meeting new people, going to new places, tackling new projects.

Sometimes change is the best thing for us, as it opens us up to new activities and environments.

5. Being single does not have to mean being afraid to love.

My heart has been bashed, bruised and broken. But I don’t feel traumatized, and I know I will love again. Hopefully the next someone will treasure and treat my heart with love and respect.

Staying open to love isn’t just about attracting a new relationship; it’s about being open to life.

6. Even if you’re single, you still have so much to appreciate.

“Being single is not the end of the world,” a friend said to me. She continued by saying “There are other problems that are more depressing than being single—hunger and homelessness, for instance.”

This felt like a slap in the face to wake me up. It reminded me that even with a broken heart, I am still standing. I’m still breathing. There are still so many possibilities for me.

7. You’re not alone when you’re single; you still have family and good friends.

I am lucky to have a supportive mother and sister. They are my sanity—my light. Spending time with them relaxes me in a way. I’m also fortunate to have wonderfully good friends who are always there with open arms, ready to listen and support me.

I know for sure I can always share my happiness and sorrow with them. I can always depend on them without feeling the slightest bit of guilt. And now that I’m single, I have even more time to devote to being there for them.

8. Being single is a call to focus on yourself.

Sometimes being in a relationship can make you lazy about developing yourself. You can get so comfortable that your goals take a back seat.

When you’re single, it prompts you to look deep inside yourself and identify the person you really want to be—whether you’re in a relationship or not.

9. Something better will come your way if you’re open to it.

I found a lovely quote through twitter, “To see a rainbow, one has to pass a storm.”

When something bad happens, we tend to concentrate on the negatives, forgetting that there must be something positive hidden somewhere in the havoc.

You will know happiness in the future—and in the present, if you’re open to it.

10. Life is a balance. When there is darkness there will be light.

I believe that everything in life is a process. When something dramatic and fast hits us, it will take time to process it and start over.

I am starting over.

As a newbie in singlehood I still have a lot to learn, understand, and explore. I sometimes need to be reminded to be grateful for what I have.

As we all know, these words are easier said than practiced. So I hold onto one important idea that I’d like to leave you with:

Change comes from within. You alone have to decide if you want that change.

YESTERDAY, TODAY and TOMORROW

Today is the tomorrow I worried about yesterday
And today was such a lovely day,
that I wondered why I worried about today yesterday
So today I am not going to worry about tomorrow
There may not be a tomorrow anyway
So today I am going to live as if there is no tomorrow
And I am going to forget about yesterday.

Today is the tomorrow I planned for yesterday
And nearly all my plans for today did not plan out the way I thought they would yesterday

So today I am forgetting about tomorrow and I will plan for today
But not too strenuously
Today I will stop to smell a rose
I will tell a loved one how much I love her
I will stop planning for tomorrow and plan to make today the best day of my life.

Today is the tomorrow I was afraid of yesterday
And today was nothing to be afraid of
So today I will banish fear of the unknown
I will embrace the unknown as a learning experience full of exciting opportunities
Today, unlike yesterday I will not fear tomorrow.

Today is the tomorrow I dreamed about yesterday

And some of the dreams I dreamt about yesterday came true today

So today I am going to continue dreaming about tomorrow
And perhaps more of the dreams I dream today will come true tomorrow.

Today is the tomorrow I set goals for yesterday And I reached some of those goals today So today I am going to set slightly higher goals for today and tomorrow And if tomorrow turns out to be like today I will certainly reach all of my goals one day!
(Source: Janargy )

The weather isn't good this time... Supposedly, today must be a hot summer but it turned out to be rainy in the midst of summer..funny isn't it? Life is just like that, full of drama and mystery, sometimes your happy and lucky and suddenly things will turn out so gloomy, very unpredictable.
While reading and touring the entire blogosphere, a poem which is "Makulit" of sort was posted by a certain blogger name Jan, because of its kakulitan I was tempted to copy it and posted it here with the hope everyone might appreciate just as I do too and understand the thought behind the message with a question;
Once again, I just amused myself by watching a bundle of movies while I'm still a couch potato this time temporarily. Two movies from the 80's and one was an event happened back in the late 70's till 80's but the film was shot early of year 2000 which brought so much flashback in mind while I was savoring the 80 tempo of the movies.
One of it, is my fave since it was starred by Brooke Shields, my childhood crush.I had viewed it once incompletely the reasoned I downloaded it again. She was the crush of the 80's lads that time,because she is stunned, with a very beautiful face and a good actress then.
Endless Love movie, was an action of teens rebellious way back in the 80's, meaning a forbidden love.Brooke Shields became more famous when this movie had shown globally...of course with its timeless theme song " Endless Love" sang by Diana Ross and Lionel Ritchie.
9 1/2 Weeks movie, was a very steamy and sexy movie yet somewhat psychological.It tells about passion on love and sex, sadomasochistic relationship involvement of sexy actress Kim Basinger nudity.This movie was an old and original 90's version of "Basic Instinct", though the story was different but it involved the same erotic scenes and nudity (nudity of Sharon Stone at Basic Instinct).The 3rd movie I watched was Studio 54.The actors who had played on the movie were actors of today like Ryan Philippe, Selma Hayek but the setting and the whole pictures was happening during the heady days of 70's-80's.This movie reminds me of so much music and people who usually attended the hottest disco of all time naming the rich and famous, not only on showbiz but in politics. Well, that once famous disco was named by the christian groups as the Sodomic city in New York because of it's sexually activities, drugs, etc. So much lessons to learn about these movies, regardless of its rate as sexy and a dim erotic.
Life is like a movie, written, produced, played by us but directed by God...it's a one take movie, sometimes its blockbuster most likely a flopped.That's where we cried, stumble, worried and discouraged...nonetheless as a human nature just as we are we can't think and ask why....

NEVER STOP BELIEVING

Never Stop Believing
There's always the promise of a new day.
There's always something to come home to.
There's always a star much brighter than the darkest night.
There's always a moment when the impossible becomes probable.
All because you believe. Together we can move mountains.
(source: AYALA Corp.)

As usual, life has been so monotonous these times....nothing much newsworthy and no challenges. I just stay home watch movies with friends(thanks to Jacks and Michael for allowing to watch movies at their home)
I got this short poem from a news paper and it was a message from AYALA group...I like how the message goes as it is trying to explain of reaching your dreams without stopping of believing that you can possibly go beyond what you desire for.
Hopelessly as I am, that poem encourages me to stay tune no matter how vague and unclear life is....from now on I won't stop believing.
These were the movies I had watched previously.......you like them while you are passing the boring time.

LIFE IS A JOURNEY:WE ARE LIKE CASSETTE PLAYER

Life is a journey. We are like a CASSETTE PLAYER. It has Play, Rewind, Forward, Record, Eject and Pause.Most of the time we are PLAYING are life journey, Sometimes we REWIND our Past, Also we FAST FORWARD for our dreams and ambitions, We also RECORD most of our experiences. But if you have problems in life, just PAUSE..... but never ever touch the EJECT because that is withdrawal from one's happiness, or even quitting from one's life.PERSONS ARE GIFTS FROM GOD TO US...We are all gifts wrapped with different wrappers and colors. But whether you are wrapped with SPECIAL DELIVERY or ORDINARY PAPER, it's not a big deal because what is important.....you are wrapped with LOVE.You are a person, you are a gift...
(source: www.scihi1990.blogspot.com)

One of the websites that I like to visit is, a website that is being organized by my neighbor and schoolmate in OCNHS..one of the entries of their blog was about Life is a Journey..hence,we are like Cassette player being played repeatedly,aren't we?. We sometimes live the recorded things that we do everyday, or we keep on blaming ourselves about the failures that we have had in the past.
Hence, the quotation above is just a self-explanatory...its up to you on how you see things as it is or how you interpret it.

INSPIRATIONAL MESSAGE

I love reading inspirational messages..may it be forwarded or just being send from friends.Stories that touches our hearts serve as our rod to cast away fears and discouragement in life.
Another not so close friend had sent me an inspirational story in my friendster mail...I encountered the story a year ago but I love it to post them here in my blog so as everyone would get some thing out of it.....
Extract the story and you'll find out that we need prayer as our tool to combat anything....I don't need them to explain the whole parts about prayer but just read the story and you'll find out.
Here it goes..............


A girl went to a party and she ended
up staying longer than planned, and
had to walk home alone. She wasn't
afraid because it was a small town and
she lived only a few blocks away.
As she walked along under the tall elm
trees, Diane asked God to keep her
safe from harm and danger.
When she reached the alley, which was
a short cut to her house, she decided
to take it.
However, halfway down the alley she
noticed a man standing at the end as
though he were waiting for her.
She became uneasy and began to pray,
asking for God's protection.
Instantly a comforting feeling of
quietness and security wrapped round
her, she felt as though someone was
walking with her.
When she reached the end of the alley,
she walked right past the man and
arrived home safely.
The following day, she read in the
newspaper that a young girl had been
raped in the same alley just twenty
minutes after she had been there.
Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy
and the fact that it could have been
her, she began to weep.
Thanking the Lord for her safety and
to help this young woman, she decided
to go to the police station.
She felt she could recognize the man,
so she told them her story.
The police asked her if she would be
willing to look at a lineup to see if
she could identify him.
She agreed and immediately pointed out
the man she had seen in the alley the
night before.
When the man was told he had been
identified, he immediately broke down
and confessed.
The officer thanked Diane for her
bravery and asked if there was
anything they could do for her
She asked if they would ask the man
one question.
Diane was curious as to why he had not
attacked her.
When the policeman asked him, he
answered, "Because she wasn't alone.
She had two tall men walking on either
side of her."
Amazingly, whether you believe or not,
you're never alone. Did you know that
98% of teenagers will not stand up for
God.

LESSONS FROM MY FATHER

"Any Man Can Be A Father ...But It Takes Someone SPECIAL to be A Dad!" according to Penny Parker.
I would like to take this time and opportunity to share very special someone to me...My Father.
As I've grown older,I've been able to see a much different perspective of a man I've always known. The years have led me where I am now, weathered with maturity and responsibilities. I can see much more clearly now the hardships, burdens of love, and the very many sacrifices he made for me and for our family. I don't believe we could have ever found a more dedicated father than what he's always been to us.
He was the reasons why I've known God opposite to the belief of my mother which was contrary to what I expect from her.
He taught me how to sacrifice,to be a God-fearing and most of all the lesson that I won't hold out is to be a good Prayerful man.
My father is a very prayerful man,religious,God-fearing,patient,humble,an image of a father that I could possibly imagine of a father in the world.What I like most of my father is his strong relationship to God that somehow I long to have with.I really wish to be like him in most cases.
To my father...I love you so much Pa...you are my hero,my confidante and my religious adviser....my greetings might be late,however,I still love to express Happy Father's Day to you and to all the Father's in the world.

MUSINGS ON LIFE

Living in this world involves walking,journeying and wandering...sometimes the travel passes to the crooked roads from the pit down to the abyss.
It is an introspective musings on life..
I just love to share this Musings which I got from my church...hope you can relate and understand fully what it takes to be in this world...and its purpose.



Life is a journey.On various occasions,a Christian is asked to make a stand on issues that unknown to him that effects a lifetime influence on others.Often the challenge is on his stand against the strong tide of popular opinion.It puts him to a test on whether he would succumb to the pressures of the crowd or he would choose to follow the narrow path that God has perfectly designed for him.
If one person decides against engaging on earthly pleasures and heed God's commands,certainly,God will open opportunities for his life to leave an impact that will send ripples far beyond measure.
A Christian must not lose his peculiar identity of being the child of God;instead he must be an exemplar in thought,in words and in actions.
It is never an easy task.It takes a courageous heart to set the pace and salt the world with a positive Christian influence.God is looking for thermostats responsible for regulating and stabilizing the temperature in its environment.He does not need a thermometer that adapts and adjust to the temperature of its surroundings.
When you come to the crossroads of your life's journey,what do you choose to be: a thermostat for God or a thermometer for the world?
(Disclaimer: taken from Salt Shaker by Joyosthie B.Orbe )