It took me more than a month to come back and dish out a specific topic to post. Life has been so cruelly hard and unfair since last year of September when my mother died.
Honest to goodness, I haven't completely adjusted of her death maybe it's because I didn't get the chance of talking & seeing her since I left home to work abroad. And that was the most torturing part of my life then...I was caught off guard of her sudden death.
Eleven months after, another member of the family died. A heart breaking news came when I was informed that my uncle died (an oldest brother of my mother).
Two weeks after, my world started to collapse again when a bad report came about my father. He was unconsciously admitted to the hospital due to hypertension. And from then on, he didn't wake up but could constantly moving his body.
As the days getting longer, no signs of hope at all that he could be revived. Surprisingly, the day that I hated much came. From then on, I became so bland and hopeless.
That's when I knew that I am already ALONE and turned out to be so LONELY.
After the interment, everything back to normal as if nothings happen, where everyone had to go back to their usual life. My niece, who grew up under my parents care decided to leave and be with her husband in the capital city - prolly, because of sadness too.
When the final time came that everyone had to leave, back to their respective places, I suddenly felt so all ALONE and LONELY. I felt like being trapped in an empty room looking for something.
I became so helpless, unfocused, and undetermined. Days and nights have been a bed of weeping.
I am back in Thailand now working to a new school trying to make ends meet and adapting to a new pace of life. Adjusting is among of the demands in life that I hated most.
Right now, the need to put myself in a fine-tune footing of being alone & solo is another chapter of my life which I have to get use to.
If I were to decide now, all I ever wanted is to go home and be in my home place with my kin and friends. My heart earnestly longs for home, I guess this is the saying truly say; " There's No Place Like Home, Sweet Home."