All you'll find on this blog are some of my own diary entries and photos taken at various points in my life, as well as life pictures, a summary of my life, and information about my perspective and the environment. I learned skills and participated in exchanges that helped me become a more balanced person. I do not spell or grammar check.
Showing posts with label A Realistic Faith in A Real World. Show all posts
Showing posts with label A Realistic Faith in A Real World. Show all posts
I haven't blogged for quite a while, mountains of desperation has eaten out all of me which most of my time has spent worrying what to do next and the right steps to take so as begging the Celestial Being to reveal His perfect plans for me. Right now, I am in constant distraught and emotionally overloaded with agony and desperation.
The groaning too deep for words and the battles is inexpressible, deep inner struggles and pain is so hard to voice out but suppressing them inside. True enough, I am not spiritually strong still, and faith slowly fading to discouragement.
Desperation is a state of despair or utter hopelessness — the abandonment of all hope. The recklessness that grows out of despair is a powerful motivator, affecting many people's actions and life choices. The spirit of man yearns to know the purpose for his life.
Right, I am deeply surrounded by mountains of desperation where sky of hopes is vanished, replaced by gloomy clouds of anguish. Not sure how long would this desperation in life last and not sure how long would I be able to stand and go. As human being, we have our limitations and this time I won't give God any quota nor pressuring Him just like during the time of the old old Israelites. But truly, I am madly desperate. I won't go on elaborating my rebellious attitude right now, çause He indeed knows how painful it is for me to go through such agony of frustration.
Herewith, are the pics which I took the other week.
" I will not leave you nor forsake you - Joshua 1:5 "
I have traveled down difficult roads in the midst of my 9 months stay here in Cambodia, started when I hosted a certain guy from Germany who used to be my guest back in the Philippines (I am a member of a travelers community online). Trouble came in and we started exchanging hurtful words just as the way I defended myself till in the latter, I was the one who apologized and humble myself not just because I was obliged to but because it is the right thing to do as Christian.
Yet, he's still enrage and wants me to resign so as leaving Cambodia for good out of his sight while he's still around. Long before it happens, a couple of rough occurrences had appeared startlingly as I would say enough to test my faith.
Problems didn't stop there because another hearsay circulating around from chit-chatters, which untoward my name has tried to be engaged in. With that, I have learned to be picky on choosing someone to be with around here, specially to unbelievers.
My life has been a mess with these lamentable dispute. Yet, there's a lesson to learn and that is the learning of unloading heavy burdens unto the Lord. I am constantly amazed at how much better I feel after talking to God and unpacking my heavy load.
It's enough to give me the strength re-pack it and letting God to carry it for me.
I would love to share this beautiful prayer which I got my from Devotional booklet, prior to some texts changed:
Dear Lord,
I am so thankful to be Your child, and that You'll never leave me.
Help me to hold on to that promise when trouble seems to threaten on every side, Amen
Life could be so difficult when you are in a moment of life's confrontation. One is never fighting against an external enemy but always against one's own body.
(images courtesy of Google)
When the going gets tough, emotion runs high and usually moods seems to be so unpredictable. Crisis uncontrollably started to come out like (a) mushroom when I got home from Europe. Things have messed up as I didn't expect that life could be so hard here in my own country than abroad, monetarily.
Four months were eventually the longest span of my stay in the Philippines as planned, but as we may say it, "Sometimes things didn't go as planned" & that sulk me. I didn't have much with me when I got home from Poland as I'm honestly not a moneyed person by nature. Neither, would I consider myself a spendthrift nor a compulsive spender when I reward myself to travel.
I never travel on posh but on a budgeted way, however, proven to be- money would probably runs dry. Sadly, none from the jobs that I have had formally applied to showed any positive signs that I could possibly fly anytime soon.
(images courtesy of Google)
Nevertheless, its not the end of the world yet, and the battle of life hasn't over. What am I just simply hoping for was that I could retain the instinct of survival while battling the odds of life.
I still have two more formal interviews this month, & if these two won't work well, much to my regret, I have to fly rightly for Cambodia before February comes.
Good heavens, that I've got friends scattered around the part of South east Asia , worries has no place at all when I need a roof to shelter myself overseas. To say the least, I'm grateful for my friends who open their doors in times I needed a warm place to stay by & for feeding me when I don't have something to put upon on my plate. They just acting on their own without waiting for me to tell the essential needs that I long for.
Don't you think I'm being rather melodramatic? Like treats a situation as much more serious that it really is? Well, be in my shoes. Occasionally, this crisis have thought me of singing this song:
I read this poem a long time ago that touched me and moved me in some way everytime I read it. It touches my soul and sometimes it gives me some sort of insight and different thoughts to ponder. With this poem, I've been able to stop and realize just how small I have donely good in life and how I should I try that much harder to be happy, understanding and tolerant. This moving piece has been an inspiration for me to be more appreciative for all that I have every day in life.
The essay appeared under the title "The Paradox of Our Age" in Words Aptly Spoken, Dr. Moorehead's 1995 collection of prayers, homilies, and monologues used in his sermons and radio broadcasts.
THE PARADOX OF OUR TIME IN HISTORY IS THAT ...
We have taller buildings ... but shorter tempers;
Wider freeways ... but narrower viewpoints.
We spend more ... but have less;
We buy more ... but enjoy it less.
We have bigger houses ... but smaller families;
More conveniences ... but less time;
We have more degrees ... but less sense;
More knowledge ... but less judgment;
More experts ... but more problems;
More medicine ... but less wellness.
We drink too much,
Smoke too much,
Spend too recklessly,
Laugh too little,
Drive too fast,
Get angry too quickly,
Stay up too late,
Get up too tired,
Read too seldom,
Watch TV too much,
And pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions ...
But reduced our values.
We talk too much, love too seldom ...
And hate too often.
We've learned how to make a living ...
But not a life.
We've added years to life ...
But not life to years.
We've been all the way to the moon and back ...
But have trouble crossing the street
To meet the new neighbor.
We've conquered outer space ...
But not inner space.
We've done larger things ...
But not better things.
We've cleaned up the air ...
But polluted the soul.
We've split the atom ...
But not our prejudice.
We write more ...
But learn less.
We plan more ...
But accomplish less.
We've learned to rush ...
But not to wait.
We have higher incomes ...
But lower morals.
We have more food ... but less appeasement;
More acquaintances ... but fewer friends;
More effort ... but less success.
We build more computers to hold more information,
To produce more copies than ever ...
But have less communication.
We've become long on quantity ...
But short on quality.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion;
Tall men, and short character;
Steep profits, and shallow relationships.
These are the times of world peace ...
But domestic warfare.
More leisure ... and less fun;
More kinds of food ... but less nutrition.
These are days of two incomes ... but more divorce;
Of fancier houses ... but broken homes.
These are days of quick trips,
Disposable diapers,
Throwaway morality,
One-night stands,
Overweight bodies,
And pills that do everything ...
From cheer ...
To quiet ...
To kill.
It is a time when there is much in the show window ...
And nothing in the stockroom.
Sorry for the long blog absence...I failed to write something because my time was occupied with so many things. Now, I am back and updating it once again about the recent happenings of my life.
I didn't expect that the first country that I was about to visit is Thailand. It never popped out just as my plan would be either in the USA or China.
When a sudden call came from Thailand, I was hesitant at first to accept the call since it's not my target.
I prayed hard and was asking for signs from the Lord, believing that it was really God's will. All my things were packed up just as preparing myself for the new environment that I am going to trod.
As I was heading to the airport with friends to accompany me, I never felt the excitement nor the happiness since I knew that I am leaving for a country that I never prayed so hard nor asking God for it that much.
When Cebu Pacific Airlines touched down at the airport, my feelings were like backing out and going home to the Philippines.
The emotions of homesickness hit me like a fist while we were driving to Bangkok to get a rest for a while since I arrived almost 12 midnight. The excitement had never visited me so I didn't appreciate much of my coming here to Thailand.
After all, I thank God for giving me the chance to see the other side of the world though it didn't reach my expectations. I hate to complain at all to the Lord because He has been so good to me.
The place where I am staying right now is located in the northern part of Thailand, 3 hours from Bangkok by van and 41/2 by bus. I felt more frustrated when none of them can't understand my English nor nobody from the place could talk to me except the Thai English teachers with their awful lucid English, but for the high school students, it drained my strength so badly.
To be in Thailand wasn't a dream to me since I am always wishing to be in a country of blondes and white people, especially in the English speaking countries. I knew God works in mysterious ways but sometimes my human understanding isn't deep enough to comprehend His ways.
My first day of teaching was so terrible so as on the second day since I can't fully extend my horizon on how to tickle them. Nevertheless, I am already here but still praying that God would send me home.
When you are deeply drowned with an onerous problems in life, it is really so hard to maintain a realistic faith in a real world today. A real world with not much hope but frustration. I rushly cut my vacation early this May believing that a sure job awaits me when I get back to Cavite from Olongapo.Surprisingly as it was, my notion collapsed as if an avalanche of melting ice covered me all over. Admittedly, I sighed sadly with so much pain in my heart which immediately I prayed hard to the Lord to comfort me.My desire accompanied by expectation,slowly to vanish on a thin air, that a manifolds of wrinkles visibly shown on my face. Fighting against the most impossible odds, rejoicing is hard to describe just as increasing a realistic faith.Sometimes you feel that the world is no longer revolving around you and time stops to rotates, as if you are in the bridge over troubled water and life is seemingly low that almost touching the ground filthy covered with dust just seeing yourself in the middle of a barren land which nobody can call you but yourself.Could you possibly lift your spirit and enhance your faith? Though, I'm half-miserable and gloomy today my faith to the Lord is still foldly intact. Honestly, my heart is filled with envy seeing my friends and acquaintances who are luckily made thier lives abroad. I always thought to myself, Why can't I go abroad? Why God is so kind enough to open doors to other people, yet, selfishly neglect me? How long would I dream & anticipate that things would rightly fall in place for me? Do you think it'll happen? Sabi nila, habang may buhay may pag-asa, daw! it has been a favorite quotes to those who are weakly hopeless just to enliven the spirit hopes up. Mind you people, I'm getting on in years now & still finding that job that'd help me to establish my own family & build my dreams somehow for my kids. But God is always in control, His mighty plan is mysteriously hidden to us mankind,lets just anticipate that everything will be concealed in His perfect time.
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