THE QUIET SHOUT

By Eric - 3:18 AM


I just want to leave the comfort zone and make major life changes so I could be as happy as I truly deserved to be....Haaay,hirap ng buhay talaga!
In my quest to search the freedom that I have longed for, hasn't visibly come. Life has been so boring, unfair in such a way that I become eccentric. Surrounded by people whom I have just met not just long ago of years, misjudge me of being wicked, a losser, undesirable, uneasy to get along with and fastidious.
But they don't know practically the real me, that I juggle a grueling unfair life the same fate that they have. Being frank is better than being vulgar,right? That's me, a frank person who never afriads to talk straight and show sincere expression. What's wrong with being frank? I'm just trying to be honest and true, visibly showing the real me instead of acting to be pious superficially but a fake trying hard individuals.
Having a real group of friends since birth and friends whom I just met in the school and in church are the people with whom I dare to be myself, my soul is naked with them only to be who and what I am.These friends understand the contradictions the nature of me that sometimes lead others to misjudge me.Nonetheless, my doors are still open for a new room of set of friends. It's fun to have a lot of friends around you, but in the canopy of a place that I temporarily considered home aren't (a) friends as I expected to be. They don't understand the inner demons of myself, I can't really be myself around with them.
They were blinded the selfishness and egoism that they don't see everything about me and love me of being who I am, but just loving me of what I have that they enjoyed freely, devouring what I earned (heaven forbid). The worm that itches the paranoia in me sparks to a critical perspective that they are just hypocrites and nothing but a family of pharisees,damn heck.
I was in deep distressed that regrettable is the word I choose, accepting somebody and fed them plainly on my palm,yet, turn their back on me. Now I already knew their true colors that easily faded when things turn out to be badly.
They never know the beginning lives of a shadow behind me with all the struggles in-between. I am also doing my best to protect and controlling myself from the predators in life or death struggle. Surviving the harsh changing life is really hard to control which the strong foundation of friendship that you have started literality melting away in front of me.
My heart is shouting quietly which the remedial likely to knock down the pain.
As a saying goes, "No friends-hard life.Many (real good) friends-hard life, but with (real good) friends." Honestly, life is hard nowadays, so why would I worry over to an unworthy to worry of?

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