Chasing the Rainbow Ends

Most of my blog posts here are so gloomy and sad, knowing that no matter how beautiful life is, there is always sadness and loneliness behind all of those smiling and laughing.

I'm not trying to be so melodramatic and gathering some sympathies, but that's how the way it is. I'm not sad nor lonely because I was born that way but the way the cookie crumbles  that worries me. 

Been stuck in the four corners of a box since I arrived last July last year and nothing happens that is so worthy to brag about.

I found it so funny that there're a lot of invitations and job offers abroad so as possible signs that they could be a good bread & butter to hope upon, yet, in the long run of the process things slowly faded away and none of them have contacted me back. Just as my hope of getting a sign from above has vanishing too.

Have this weird thought that God has played a pun on me not just to test me but to be looked like a looser and idiot so to speak. I have been so vocal and frank telling of my ill-feelings towards my creator because of the opposite of what I expected to be. Chasing rainbows, spinning dreams: getting tired of chasing pretty rainbows and getting tired of spinning round and around.

My fear, that my dreams may remain as dreams, as it would no longer be seen but a shattered dreams. Toiling time seems so endless that my single heart is no longer rejoicing as my days are always doom to nothing.

As I always close my eyes in slumber, the agony of asking questions, will there be any chances to come when an evening the sun going down? Haplessly, I guess none.

(Disclaimer: Photos taken from Google search)

Me, Myself and My Dreams

At the end of any sports or games, what will matter is the score of winning. Every players would do their best and it is their ultimate goal is winning  the championship. Any person has a dream, it's just a matter of how making it real and achieving it the way we want it too from the simplest to the most unimaginable.
Dreams can be realities, it can remain a dream forever when people dream  they will do their best to realize it. As matter of fact, I worked hard just to achieve my dreams & even face the most possible obstacle.
I have reached the countries which I thought would not be possibly granted by the Lord. However, at times you have to suffer and apply the instinct of survival.
My dream is getting out from poverty this is why I am determined of going abroad to sacrifice for my family & to fulfill my dreams as well. It may not that easy but they are all so worth rejoicing.

Old Town - Warsaw Poland

Mazowiecki , Poland

Walled city of the Old Town Warsaw - Poland

For the meantime, I'm still tuning in and trying to work out my patience again waiting for that big chance which the Lord has prepared for me just as He keeps His silence. I've got a lot opportunities in hand which I thought was for me, knowing that it pushes me to test the water with my foot instead of going down both of my feet.
Yet, the fear of anticipating of something that you don't know & disagreeable of what I want is a battle that I need to prepare about. My status right now is afloat, no definite directions though I have plans being printed yet, all of which are in vain.
Truly, I have this disgruntled feeling of God because all of the questions that I have been asking pertaining all of these failures that I've got so far has no answered.
If I could just doing it on my own freely, I would have been gone abroad by now. The reality is no longer vague to me that I should have worked doubly for my family and for my future next travel.

Bangkok  Thailand with the novice young monks

One day trip in Macau

Italian inspired fountain in Macau

Temple in Ban Rai - Thailand

Stanley Boulevard - Hongkong

Twin Tower of Petronas - Kuala Lumpur

Batu Cave - Kuala Lumpur

Pictures here are just all memories I had abroad about me, myself and my dreams. The very first step of achieving one's goal is to start dreaming and making it real.