Chasing the Rainbow Ends

Most of my blog posts here are so gloomy and sad, knowing that no matter how beautiful life is, there is always sadness and loneliness behind all of those smiling and laughing.

I'm not trying to be so melodramatic and gathering some sympathies, but that's how the way it is. I'm not sad nor lonely because I was born that way but the way the cookie crumbles  that worries me. 

Been stuck in the four corners of a box since I arrived last July last year and nothing happens that is so worthy to brag about.

I found it so funny that there're a lot of invitations and job offers abroad so as possible signs that they could be a good bread & butter to hope upon, yet, in the long run of the process things slowly faded away and none of them have contacted me back. Just as my hope of getting a sign from above has vanishing too.

Have this weird thought that God has played a pun on me not just to test me but to be looked like a looser and idiot so to speak. I have been so vocal and frank telling of my ill-feelings towards my creator because of the opposite of what I expected to be. Chasing rainbows, spinning dreams: getting tired of chasing pretty rainbows and getting tired of spinning round and around.

My fear, that my dreams may remain as dreams, as it would no longer be seen but a shattered dreams. Toiling time seems so endless that my single heart is no longer rejoicing as my days are always doom to nothing.

As I always close my eyes in slumber, the agony of asking questions, will there be any chances to come when an evening the sun going down? Haplessly, I guess none.

(Disclaimer: Photos taken from Google search)

What I have Done and I Haven't Done

Huh! Life has been so hard, when you can't see the finish line ahead of you, it's easier to quit instead of keeping going. The race of life is no different. Sometimes, it seems too long and too hard & all you want to do is giving up.
When we are at the end of our rope, we long for God to rescue us. But we could never experience the thrill of being rescued if we didn't experience trouble & hopelessness. I am honestly broken and acknowledging that I could not fix it on my own but longing for some help from above with the hope rescue would come sooner before I get drown in the worst depression.
So much sharing of tidbits sentiment of life, let me amuse myself of what I have just done in life overseas and things I haven't done yet, but wish of trying them one day.

1.  I have spent New Year in Singapore's immigration office as the first foreigner & the first one being held & interrogated on the welcoming of the eve's day. My stuff was scanned and checked intently so as the bus that I took from Kuala Lumpur left me. But I haven't experienced being in a restricted & censored country to visit like Eritrea, Cuba, Uzbekistan, Syria.

2. I have ridden a cow, horse, and a water buffalo(in the Philippines) an elephant when I was in Thailand, but I haven't ridden an ostrich which I long to try one day.

3. I have traveled one day in Macau & explore the most sought Hotel, Park & Shopping spree in one - The Venetian, but I haven't tried visiting Macau Sky Tower Jump where the highest Bungee Jumping in the world is. Well, this one is out of my To-Do-List, 'coz I have fear of heights..won't dare to do it, would I?

4. I have been to Poland, Hungary - will include the transit flights & airports visited like Ukraine, Amsterdam, but I haven't been to other European countries like Germany, Norway, Sweden, etc.

5. I have visited the Concentration Camps in Auschwitz where millions of Jews and other Europeans being murdered by the Nazi-led by Adolf Hitler himself. It was the first thing that came to my list when I learned that I'd be flying for Poland. Poland is known for the killing fields of the Jews. To include, I have visited the factory of Oscar Schindler - if you happened to watch the movie "Schindler's Lists" then it's really true, I was there. But I haven't been to Israel, I really dream of going there and checking myself the remains of the Bible artifacts & the places where Jesus had gone to.

6. I have experienced Four Seasons (at last), to describe it - it's like the cycle of life, trust me. But I haven't experienced a snowstorm nor its snowing throughout the year. The South Pole or Antarctica is part of the places in the world that I wish to see.

7. I have taught foreign students since 2006 mentioning, Indonesian, Brazilian, African, Cambodian, Thai, Bulgarian, Polish, Spanish and a half - Briton, but I haven't encountered American or Australian nor Canadian students, I know deep in my heart - it won't happen, they don't need me to teach them about English grammar..

8. I have talked and encountered monks & even the novice one up close, & made a little tete a tete and we laughed while taking pictures. But I haven't encountered a Jesuit, I wanted to meet one.

9. I have eaten Vietnamese, Thai, Korean, American, Italian, Japanese, Chinese, Indonesian, Indian, Russian, and Polish food but I haven't tried eating exotic foods (though I did like a frog in Olongapo) like a worm, wooden cockroach, grasshopper, scorpion, and other which we could see them freshly served from the kitchen in Thailand, Cambodia, and Vietnam.

10. I have made friends around not only locally but internationally as well and so proud that I am still in contact with them, thanks to Facebook that keeps us updated always. But I haven't met some of them personally, yet, by just clicking of a mouse that would make us closer as if we have met once in person. Just posting the pixies of my foreign friends here, expressing how lucky am I to have them as pals & keeping me company & helping me to feel at home while I'm away from home. Though we are separated by seas then that won't make us different regardless of our skin colors, race, beliefs, etc. 'coz that's what friends are for.

Paulina from Poland

Teacher Magda, my co-teacher, and a close pal.

Cherry from Jamaica.

Robert from Poland and Dianne from Jamaica on their wed.

Ewa Jurek originally from Poland but lives in Italy

Terry co-teacher in Poland, from Jamaica

Constance, an SDA friend whom I just met on the Christian dating site.

Miriam Silva originally from Portugal, whom I just met online

Joseph from Korea..my student and a close pal too.

Kasia, co-teacher in Poland and a good friend.

Couple of missionaries in Thailand from Scotland who served as my mentor.

Genevieve from a French-speaking area in Canada whom I just met online 

Devin from Canada the one that I hosted in Thailand.

Fellow backpackers that I met in Malaysia

Kasia, Susanne, and Urs from Europe,, are good buddies

Martin from Switzerland..

My headteacher in Thailand and a kind family.

Helena from Poland

Eko from Indonesia..

Ken from Kenya

Ajarn Somchai from Thailand

Anita originally from Rwanda but a Pinoy by heart.

Artur from Germany, we used to chat things about life

Nina from Russia

Nestor from Argentina

Ryan Pool from Alaska

Me, Myself and My Dreams

At the end of any sports or games, what will matter is the score of winning. Every players would do their best and it is their ultimate goal is winning  the championship. Any person has a dream, it's just a matter of how making it real and achieving it the way we want it too from the simplest to the most unimaginable.
Dreams can be realities, it can remain a dream forever when people dream  they will do their best to realize it. As matter of fact, I worked hard just to achieve my dreams & even face the most possible obstacle.
I have reached the countries which I thought would not be possibly granted by the Lord. However, at times you have to suffer and apply the instinct of survival.
My dream is getting out from poverty this is why I am determined of going abroad to sacrifice for my family & to fulfill my dreams as well. It may not that easy but they are all so worth rejoicing.

Old Town - Warsaw Poland

Mazowiecki , Poland

Walled city of the Old Town Warsaw - Poland

For the meantime, I'm still tuning in and trying to work out my patience again waiting for that big chance which the Lord has prepared for me just as He keeps His silence. I've got a lot opportunities in hand which I thought was for me, knowing that it pushes me to test the water with my foot instead of going down both of my feet.
Yet, the fear of anticipating of something that you don't know & disagreeable of what I want is a battle that I need to prepare about. My status right now is afloat, no definite directions though I have plans being printed yet, all of which are in vain.
Truly, I have this disgruntled feeling of God because all of the questions that I have been asking pertaining all of these failures that I've got so far has no answered.
If I could just doing it on my own freely, I would have been gone abroad by now. The reality is no longer vague to me that I should have worked doubly for my family and for my future next travel.

Bangkok  Thailand with the novice young monks

One day trip in Macau

Italian inspired fountain in Macau

Temple in Ban Rai - Thailand

Stanley Boulevard - Hongkong

Twin Tower of Petronas - Kuala Lumpur

Batu Cave - Kuala Lumpur

Pictures here are just all memories I had abroad about me, myself and my dreams. The very first step of achieving one's goal is to start dreaming and making it real.